can break into any safe by turning into fog or some bullshit
could probably hypnotize security guards as needed
therefore I am in dire need of a heist film where a group of vampires band together to steal back their old stuff from museums
Oceans 1100 AD
Very interested in the hardest part of this beign the vampires trying to trick someone into granting them permission to enter the premises earlier in the day
I feel like this has several simple solutions!
they enter the museum while it’s open to the public (and the Welcome sign is on display). they turn into bats and hide in the rafters until the museum closes. the only hiccup is when the overhead announcement comes on and politely requests all visitors leave for closing. the vampire are forced to flee, but come back the next day with tiny bat-sized earplugs.
downside: this requires going out in daylight, leading most of the team members to show up in long black victorian formalwear, complete with lacy parasols, which they insist on carrying with them throughout the entire heist (much to the frustration of the team leader, who just wore sunscreen and a raincoat).
depending on how invitations work, it is possible any random human can invite them in. one of the vampires gets their Ultimate Frisbee buddy Oakley to tag along and invite them in after closing.
downside: the gang spends the rest of the heist gently mocking the idea of a vampire playing association ultimate frisbee (“so what, you turn into a bat and catch it with your fangs? do they make you crawl up the wall when it gets stuck on a roof? if you turn into a cat to get it down from a tree, do you end up stuck in the tree?”) this ends in a Climactic Twist Ending when Oakley reveals they don’t play ultimate frisbee, just dog park frisbee. In the sense that they met when the vampire transformed into a wolf to gatecrashed a game at the local dog park.
(Bonus points if Oakley is a werewolf. extra bonus points if this is revealed in a post-credits epilogue where, on the next full moon, the entire gang transforms into creatures of the night and joins Oakley at the park for a frisbee game of Bats vs Wolves)
Final option: to gain legitimate entry, an invitation is needed from a museum employee. this presents two possibilities:
the vampires pretend to be incredibly rich eccentric patrons who want a private nighttime tour of the museum. (this is convincing due to the fact they are rich and incredibly eccentric.) the vampires get inside, planning to hypnotize the Curator supervising their tour.
downside: they immediately discover the Curator has been left immune to hypnosis by years of post-grad exposure to droning history lecturers. the vampires leave their least competent member to distract her while they carry out the heist–in the ensuing 90 minutes, the vampire and the curator accidentally Fall In Love after bonding over their shared fury about british archeological theft.
(In the sequel they get married and spend their honeymoon robbing the British Museum in order to return sacred objects to the cultures from which they were stolen. this is made more complicated comical by the fact vampires are unable to interact with holy objects. also, they are lesbians.)
alternatively: the gang simply bribes a security guard into letting them in after closing. the security guard then tags along, offering helpful advice for disabling alarms and transporting antiques. it turns out Security Officer Greer only applied for the job bc they too were planning an Elaborate Acrobatic Burglary, but then their partners quit to join Cirque du Soleil and “I can’t exactly perform a Double Cartwheel Birdie Flying Trapeze Boomerang Special without a partner.”
downside: the gang becomes too attached to ask Greer to leave. They carry out the heist as intended, but this time pretending to be circus performers to explain their vampire powers. Turning into a cloud of smoke to bypass locks? Magicians never explain a trick. Spider walking across ceilings to bypass alarms? Contortionist. When it comes time to fly from roof to roof, they decide turning into bats would give away their secret, so instead they help Greer, in a sparkling moment of triumph, execute the perfect Double Cartwheel Birdie Flying Trapeze Boomerang Special!
Greer and the gang escape (by tightrope walking) into the night with all the plunder they can carry. Tearfully, the gang begins to say goodbye (bc they can’t keep up the pretense of being circus performers forever) when Greer casually asks how a bunch of vampire ended up working in a circus.
(Greer assumed from the beginning they were vampires, because of “how you dress, how you talk, and mostly because none of you showed up on camera back in the CCTV control room. Why did you think it took me so long to let yall in?”)
I cannot for the lives of me decide which synopsis I like best
(all ideas shared on this blog are public domain, feel free to go nuts. you can find more story ideas like this on my ko-fi)
The creator of these images is Matt Bernstein, one of my favorite educators online – he makes incredibly clear, forceful collections of information like this one. He’s queer, has fantastic nails, and has done a lot of education recently from his perspective as a Jewish person on why supporting Palestine is so important. Here’s a link to this post, which he created for World AIDS Day on 12/1/23.
Summary: Bucky Barnes is in love with you, his best friend. But not in his wildest dreams can he imagine that his feelings are reciprocated. In a futile attempt at moving on, he finds himself a girlfriend, Priya. Unfortunately for you, her presence in Bucky’s life comes as an unexpected and rather unpleasant surprise and you have to deal with the pain of losing the man you love to another woman.
Warnings: 18+ (minors DNI)
Word Count: 47k
General warnings & themes: angst, mutual pining, girlfriend!oc, aliens and arms dealers, canon-level violence, some explicit sexual content, mentions of sexual trauma.
I will add warnings to each chapter but please tell me if I’ve missed anything.
A/N: Shoutout to @samodivaa and @scoonsalicious for your valuable input and for listening to my crazy for the last month!
Modern au: Bucky runs a YouTube/ social media channel debunking dangerous cooking videos et al. and amasses a following because he’s handsome, has a dry, unflappable sense of humor, and will set something on fire once a month.
In one video, while the fire alarm is going off and he’s trying to unplug the microwave, a voice from off-screen shouts, “Stop doing stupid shit in my house!”
After much goading from fans, Bucky introduces Sam, his roommate, to the channel and cajoles him into helping with the debunking.
It takes three months for fans to finally impress upon them that they’re literally dating, please just ask each other out
You guys I just realized that what I’ve always wanted out of werewolf fiction is a story where lycanthropy isn’t a purely human condition
Like this dude wakes up from his wolfbender and his room is full of all these fucking chickens from local farms that he initiated into his pack. They all start clucking and crowing at the moon and when it’s full they all transform into these tiny little weird bipedal wolves with wings.
I don’t remember making this post but it’s going around again and I’m losing my shit
Imagine becoming a werewolf because you got attacked by a fucked up chicken
A wildlife rehab centre discovers that one of its patients is a lycanthrope when the full moon hits and their wolf transforms into a slightly different wolf.
Goalie Hug shirt is $40. Minnesota PWHL shirt is $25.
I want both. (I also want an Unwell shirt but every single time I go to check if they have any, they’re sold out–which is the best thing ever. I love that they’re sold out. they’re an awesome band).
Minnesota is currently 0 in this game. Come on, Minnesota.
Bruins first playoff game is Saturday. I’m sure I will be dead asleep when it happens and highly doubt I’ll have time to even listen to it Sunday. (is it bad that my guess for the Stanley Cup is Dallas? Like, love my Bruins, don’t get me wrong, but I don’t think they’ll make it. I hope they can, but my guess is Dallas gets it this year.)
ooo yay Minnesota is on the board. Woohoo.
And, like an NHL game, my ass is going to miss the last period because I am dead tired and 4 am comes fast. Hopefully I’ll be able to listen to the entirety of the game tomorrow while I’m doing stuff at work since I’m subbed to the PWHL youtube channel.
I should order the Minnesota shirt when I get the chance.
my most unpopular stranger things related but not stranger things exclusive opinion is that i am very bored with how almost every story that has paranormal or scifi elements eventually evolves into a story about stopping the end of the world. and i do know that apocalypse media has its enjoyers however i am not one of them and i very rarely choose to consume it so you see why it would exhaust me that so often all my horror shows and podcasts turn into an apocalypse thing
As a horror author, I have never done this. I have never wanted to do this.
…the closest is the WIP cult and even then it’s not end of the world.
